My Brain Can't Just Chill

You know at night when Im trying to sleep, when the world is trying to sleep my brain decides to have an explosion of thoughts and things to ponder. Such thoughts leave me wondering about how life will turn out. Will I die young? Will I save someone? What will become of my family? When will the world end? It's a huge list that goes on and on. But this night in perticular my mind wonders off to someone I wish I wouldn't. Are you sorry? Do you regret leaving? How are you? Do you still care? Or have I been replaced already? Do you sit at night and think of me? Or am I thinking alone? You don't even cross my mind too often but it happens sometimes. I wish I could erase what you did. My mom hates you. So much for trying to impress her. You know I can't erase the time I sat and spoke to you heart to heart in my own room. You hugged me, told me it was okay, life gets better. But look at us now. NOTHING-NESS. Just as always. Happiness comes at a price, and you werent worth what I gave up.
Next thought. Boy oh boy. You know that couple that breaks up and gets back together then breaks up again, will it ever work for them? Or are they fighting to fix something that doesnt want to be put back together. I just wonder because it just is such a rough and unfair road to travel on with someone you 'love'
Speaking of love... I feel that term is thrown around a lot. The meaning kind of lost. You know as a girl we say I love you to best friends but I mean to boys. Can you love a boy in your life ( I.e. Boyfriend) while being so young? My mom knows this couple from the UK that have been together since they were 15 and now are close to 46 how amazing is that? I understand that there's like a 2% chance a high school relationship will stay together forever but I'd like to think it'll last. Yet here I am. Looking at people my age, throwing around words like 'oh I love my boyfriend'. Girl you are 16 you don't even know who you are yet! Let alone who you love! The only boy you should love is your daddy. Oh how my generation is going down the drain. And to think these people I call my peers will be running this country one day, that thought scares me shitless and leaves me unable to sleep at night.
Good night.
BJ