Mean

Sorry about spelling and grammar. I'm lazy.


You, with your words like knives
And swords and weapons that you use against me
You have knocked me off my feet again
Got me feeling like I'm nothing

My eyes flutter open at the creek of the floor boards. I pull the blankets over my head and push tight against Daaron.
'honey, what do you want for dinner?' his mom said opening the door.
Daaron sprung to life 
'ugh mom! I'm sleeping.' Daaron said as he slipped his arms around me trying to hide me.
'okay, well you can pick something up later then, I'm going out on a date in ten minutes with Art. I love you. Good night.'
She slipped away slowly closing the door. I was silently laying there for at least five minutes.
'dumb ass.' I whisper. ' you told me your mom wouldn't be home tonight.'
'Just shut the hell up! I don't want her to hear you!' 
I ignored him. Honestly I didn't even care about Daaron, he was a jerk, but I dealt with it.
We both sighed when the door locked and we could hear the purr of the engine as Mrs. Carson drove off.

You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard
Calling me out when I'm wounded
You picking on the weaker man

I got up attaching the hook on my bra. 'where is my shirt?' I say
'I dont know, she'll be gone all night now, get back in bed.' 
'I have stuff to do, I'm going home.' slipping my shorts on I grab my keys off Daarons crap filled dresser. 
Daaron shot up and was in front of me in seconds. 'No, you're not leaving yet.' 
'Daaron, stop. I'm serious.' I said trying to push around him.
'Me too!' he said grabbing my wrists. I know that was it, what Daaron wants Daaron gets. I looked up at the gorgeous 6'7 giant. Perfect skin, eyes, and even hair. All you could ask for, but when he wanted something he got it. he shoved me to the bed, I gave up and let him win.


Someday I'll be living in a big ol' city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so mean?

'Get up!' Daaron said sharply awakening me immediately.
I jumped up and looked around confused. 
'Vikkie will be here soon, you gotta go.' 
I pushed forward and wrapped my arms around his waist, 'One more, for the road?' I smiled devilishly.
'No, get you shit together put your clothes on and leave. Really.' I sighed.
'Well okay then.' I put my clothes on and grabbed my keys, 'Fuck you.' I said as I walked out Daarons room. 
'Yeah, you can later babe.' he said sarcastically.
 'After the girlfriend leaves, right?' I yell upstairs as I leave. 'Nah, no more.' I said closing his front door.
I jumped into my jeep turned my music up and sped off. I know I deserve better but I never treated myself any better. I used to like Daaron. When I was younger, maybe a year ago, I really liked him. Then I slept with him, since then, even after he's had girl friends and I've had boyfriends we keep each other around for the sex and the cheap talk of a 'someday' that we know will never happen.
'this is getting old' I mutter to myself. I wanted to break it off, but part of me would miss the sex too much and another was scared of how angry Daaron would be.

You, with your switching sides
And your wildfire lies and your humiliation
You have pointed out my flaws again
As if I don't already see them
I walk with my head down
Trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you
I just wanna feel okay again

'Hey, you should come over.' Daaron whispers through my phone. It's 2:30am Saturday night.
'Daaron. It's late.'
'Now, or I'll be over there in five minutes.'
'I'm grabbing my keys now.' I hang up. I push myself out my bed, dress and then down the stairs, I remember when these kinds of calls meant the world to me, now however I've become a slave.
'hey, nice hair.' he said as I walked into his room. He was right, I normally straightened my hair everyday, but right now my curls fell loosely around my chest almost untamed. 
'Yeah, yeah. Don't be a jerk.' he walked upwards me and pulled at my tank top, '' 'Member When we met?' I said
'No, I don't.' Daaron said unbuttoning my jean shorts.
'How can you not remember?'
'It wasn't a big deal?'
'how long have been doing this shit?' I say shoving his hands off my body,
'Damn it! Scar! Come on. Let's not do this.'
'Daaron! It matters to me.'
He grabbed waist and shoved my back to the wall. 'Are you drunk Daaron?!' I shout.
'I want you. If I wanted a self righteous bitch, I'd call Vikki. Scarlett, just screw the feelings. We both know it's not like that.' 
'No, I'm done. This will never go anywhere!' I run for the door. Too late.

 Darkness. 

I bet you got pushed around
Somebody made you cold
But the cycle ends right now
Cause you can't lead me down that road
And you don't know, what you don't know...

I wake up. Daarons room. Sit up, I look over to his vanity. 
'Shit..' I see my face in the mirror. A big cut on my cheek and a newly painted black eye.
'Im sorry..' I hear a whisper, I look down. 
'What the he'll is wrong with you?' I scream. 'This, us, WE ARE DONE!' I stand up and wobble in fear. Daaron doesn't move. 
'I...love...you..' 
'Hell no. You don't hit people you love Daaron.'

All you are is mean
And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life
And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

I stumble out and into my jeep. In that moment I let out three years of pain. I cry like I never have, Daaron, the man I love, hit me. He could hurt me and I couldn't even say no. I walked away that night, broken but so much stronger. Why'd you have to be so mean?

Sparks Fly

**Note: My stories are all not linked. They are in no order, except for how they came of the actual album.**

Story Two
'Sparks Fly'

"The way you move is like a full on rainstorm
And I'm a house of cards
You're the kind of reckless
That should send me running"

I look around my new math class, I know absolutely no one. Not a single person. 'fantastic' I think sarcastically to myself. 
'Can I sit here?' I look up to see who'd spoken to me, a tall blue eyed kids eyes met mine, "I suppose so." I really could care less. I was determined to just breeze through this class and never think of it again. 
"I'm Matthew." he said. 
"Beth." I said blankly, all the while thinking "...this boy is not going to let me slide past without a word." 

"But I kinda know that I won't get far
And you stood there in front of me
Just close enough to touch
Close enough to hope you couldn't see
What I was thinking of"

Matt became part of my day after that. I, of course didn't let him, he forcefully had in the end. It started with teasing and then like a worm he had wiggled his way into my daily routine. I didn't let him know though. I'd never been the one to show how she felt, especially this year. I'd promised myself that I'd stop letting my heart run who I was. I needed to think more. This boy however made me forget all that, he had danger written all over him. But as long as he didn't know what I was thinking I knew I was safe. So we continued like that, friends. Him trying his hardest to make me laugh and me trying my hardest to keep him far far far away from my heart.

"My mind forgets to remind me, You're a bad idea. 
You touch me once and it's really something, You find I'm even better than you imagined I would be.
 I'm on my guard for the rest of the world but with you I know it's no good and I could wait patiently but I really wish you would.."

I sat slumped over my hand out, I hated this crap, why did I need to know the location of the intersection of two lines on a graph? Matt looked at me and smiled, " Need help loser?" 
"No. I'm good" I said
Still though he slid his seat to my side and took the pencil from me.
"Look you just have to move the x intercept and then plug y equals into the calculator for both.." 
"BLAH BLAH BLAH." I interrupted. "Let me nap." 
"Beth.. Come on... Fine, never mind then."  he said, already defeated. "We should hang out..?"
"No." I spoke quietly but firmly.
"Why not?"
"That's a disaster waiting to happen."
"You can't just hang out? Let your damn guard down for once!?" he said, hurt underlined his voice.
"Okay, okay. Tonight. One chance."

"I run my fingers through your hair and watch the lights go wild.
Just keep on keeping your eyes on me, it's just wrong enough to make it feel right. Lead me up the staircase
Won't you whisper soft and slow?
I'm captivated by you, baby, like a firework show."

And there I was, leaning on Matt as we watched some lame action movie he'd picked out. But we both knew he'd won. My heart was for the taking. I look up at him, in that moment all the walls I had built crumbled when his lips met mine. I was captivated.

End.

Mine

Story ONE
"Mine"
*You were in college working part time waitin’ tables
Left a small town, never looked back
I was a flight risk with a fear of fallin’
Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts*

I looked up at my best friend, Luke, as we walked to Mrs. Hicks Spanish class. I hated this class, even dr
eaded going but he made it a tiny bit better everyday. Just like every day before, and as expected for every day after he slid his hand into his pocket and pulled out a folded up piece of note book paper and slipped it into my hand. I smiled, hugged him and told him to go now, if he didn't he'd never make it to class on time, even if it was just basketball, I didn't like to make him late. He smiled and walked away. I slipped into class and sat next to Emily, she smiled and said 'him again? You must like him!"
I replied shyly " No, he's my best friend, I couldn't ever."
Okay, okay we'll see." Emily said with a devilish smile plastered on her face. Mrs Hicks introduced a new level of Spanish vocabulary I sat taking notes but I was so far from the class I was in. I was thinking about what Emily was saying, "we'll see", it bothered me for some reason, it was only the start of my tenth grade year, I wasn't worried about boys, falling in love. It just wasnt my thing. I wondered 'why we bothered with lve if it never lasts'. The bell rang and I stood, shocked that I was abruptly awakened from my thoughts. It was time for lunch. I grabbed my bag and walked with Bella as she chatted about the new boy in her life, Chris, I was in and out the conversation, listening enough to respond correctly but not enough to make her believe I was with her mentally.
'Beth? Are you okay?'
'yess. Yess, I'm fine. Just a little distracted.' quickly veering the subject back to Chris. We got to the cafeteria and she went to sit with her friends as I went to find Kate, Callie, Kandis and Allison, I hadn't known them long but their stories made me laugh enough to make me want to stick around. I'd wished Luke was there. I listened as Kandis told me about her Saturday night from the weekend before. I pulled out a piece of paper so I could write back to Luke. Kandis didn't even notice and lunch continued on like that.
When the bell rang to dimiss us from lunch I was already outside by the basketball entrance with my note to Luke. He greeted me with a smile, took the note and walked me back to Spanish. Day after day, this was what kept me going to school.

*Do you remember, we were sitting there by the water?
You put your arm around me for the first time.
You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter.
You are the best thing that’s ever been mine.*

Soon Luke and I were spending after school tutoring together everyday. Talking. Laughing. And maybe even falling in love.
He got me like no one ever had.

*Flash forward and we’re taking on the world together,
And there’s a drawer of my things at your place.
You learn my secrets and you figure out why I’m guarded,
You say we’ll never make my parents’ mistakes.*

He knew about my family, he understood. He made it all go away, all I saw was him. We took the world on together. We were never alone.

*And I remember that fight. Two-thirty AM. As everything was slipping right out of our hands
I ran out crying and you followed me out into the street
Braced myself for the "Goodbye"
‘cause that’s all I’ve ever known
Then you took me by surprise
You said, "I’ll never leave you alone."*

The night young and amazing. October 15 perfect. Cool enough. Stadium lights. Hearts beating fast. High school football games. Perfect. Until the fight.
It was over.
Hearts broken
Luke gone.
Beth alone.
He was no longer 'mine'.

End.

Helllllllo:)
I know I know, I have failed you all. I really need to start keeping up with you. Just so much work and so little down time, that when I do have some I enjoy catching up on my serious lack of sleep. Anyway. I have decided I will write my 'fan fiction' here. But with a twist. I'm going to use Taylor swifts speak now album and center each story around those lyrics. The reason behind this is because 11/5/11 I shall watch Taylor swift sing in my home town. I lve her! Ill put them in separate posts. So look for song one!
Love BJ

One last Sorry.

Forgive. Be forgiven.
Freedom.
<3 Thank You.

11th Grade BLOWS.

It's been two months since I have even thought to update my blog. WOW. Sorry! Well,I must say school has taken over my world. After I got better over the summer I hung out wi friends and sort of 'forgot' about my blog. -_- anyway so im now in 11th grade it's a shi* ton of work. You have nooooo idea unless you've been there. -__- 1st period: Year book, one of my favorites. 2nd period: Spanish 3.( so SO so so much work.) 3rd period: Chemistry (again) My b*tch of a teacher last year failed me with a GD 69. Who the heck does that when a 70 would have passed me. A BITC* does. That's who. 4th period: History, it's alright. 5th period: ENGLISH!!! That class is my world. There are no words to describe how much I enjoy being there and the teachers is by far one of the most amazing people I have even had the honor to meet. 6th period: Algebra 2 EW. 7th period: Physics, the death of all souls in high school. Worse than chem and bio combined. That's my day, I get up at 5:30 am and start school at 7:15 am I end at 2:15 and go home and do my piles of homework. I drown in it. That's really all you have missed. Honostly. Hahaha. I'm so cool. I haven't seen much of laurenn. At all. And we have a class. We just can't find time for eachother anymore. :'( gah. There is NO boys so far. Not even a candidate (is that spelt right?) which is good for my needing to focus! anyway! Bed time, I have school in the morning!
Love, BJ

Epic Blog UPDATE

So this is my FIRST serious blog in a while, sorry about that. Its been a pretty rough month. So here it goes...
I have been sick. ALL MONTH. That is putting it lightly. I have had Bronchitis, strep throat, and a pretty serious allergic reaction. After almost being cleared of Bronchitis I took a turn for the worst (Of course) and ended up with Strep. Then after that the Bronchitis returned so NOW I am on a 'stronger' medicine that has made me feel pretty healthy FAST. SO I am thinking that I will be in the OKAY to hang out with friends! :)

This is the only person I could hang out with because I can risk her health being my sister so YES. SHE DOES HAVE A SHARPIE 'STACHE ON! I drew it.

But I have been doing very little because Ive been so tired. BUT I have realized (or realised?) that I have a pretty cool skill I didnt know about....I can put my foot behind my head...EFFORTLESSLY



No..JUST KIDDING Im more like this....

Clearly STILL EPIC. But that isnt the skill I just realized. I am pretty GREAT at make up (eye shadow). Yeah. I tried it from a youtube video and IT WAS GREAT. Im pretty excited.

So I have been fired. Cool HUH? -____-

So with the LITTLE UNDERPAID money I had I decided to spend some.

I have purchased a new cord for my crappy laptop because right now the one I have has to be twisted into a certain position to work. -$13.95.

Then I decided to fuel my make up desires and buy more expensive but better make up.

So that was -$39.97

But assuming I will use both excessively Im going with the fact that they were good choices. (I dont really like buying things for myself. I feel somewhat guilty spoiling myself.)

Anyway I just noticed that i never updated you on my dads wedding! :O

So here are some pictures!

Daddy Steph Amy & I <3



Daddy & Steph



Daddy & Steph



Brides maids and Steph & an aunt. (I think.)




Amy & I



So my Dad and Steph went on a 5 week honeymoon all around Europe and India! They will be home on the 28th! Im super excited! (I know on a previous entry my dad and I were rocky, but we're working on it) I have missed them! Okay Im outtt!

I shall leave you with this!



Tobby is cool... (not really him..)



:)

So Thats pretty much all I have been doing. Really. Im fixing to make a schedule for everyday next week. Im hanging out with close to 7 poeple if all goes well. :) Anyway.

Smile,

BJ

(Wedding pictures credited to Adriana Alvarez)

Eh

I know I suck sorry. I promise to fill you in soon.
-BJ

Church, Lojo, Blood, and Hospital!

Im obviously not a good blogger. -___- sorry. Let me update you sice the 20th. :O
20th through to the 24th: I was helping teach VBS at church so I didnt write. Sorry.
-That was so much fun! I learned all the names of my kids. I had 15! They were mostly all so sweet. I met new people who were also teaching. I honestly can say I will return next summer. It was very rewarding and Im glad I helped the church out.
24th-27th: Laurenn.
- I spent all that (except saturday) with Laurenn. Laurenn was sick but being me and cocky as hell I claimed I have the best immune system and I would fight it off faster then she could give it to me. That Monday I went home but by the end of the night whatever Laurenn had was taking its toll.
27th-1st: BED
-I really feel horrid at this point. Unable to swallow, eat, or even drink. I started caughing up blood. I couldnt breathe. There was a huge ammount of pressure on my chest.
1st(Mid morning): Momma take me to the doctor. I get told I have bad Bronchitis. The medicine I was taking was sending the 'liquids' to my lungs which could have led me to being hospitalized. -__-
Its now the second of July. I cant sleep. Im dying for water but I cant swallow. Im tired.
YOU ARE NOW UPDATED.
-BJ

Sorry....

So sorry I haven't been on here. Work. Teaching bible school. Volunteering. Cleaning room. And mostly laziness have caused me to fall behind I will make it up soon.
Love BJ

Laurenn and Rachel and Pure Happiness.

Yea, this will be short too. This is my best friend Laurenn and her sister(WHO I LOVE A TON) Rachel.
I chose to put this up because I just realized this is a picture where I am happy. Im not faking it. Im laughing. I have laurenn and Rachel who dog piled on me as I took pictures on my lap top. Life was far from perfect when this moment was captured. I was living with Laurenn at the time due to family problems, the guy i 'loved' was being a total jerk, my dad had forgotten I existed and dispite all imperfections I was really happy.
I miss that. </3
BJ

Becca+Daniel+Jesse+Laurenn= A.Fun.Night.

(this will be short. I need to go to bed. Work in el morning)
Summer really had a slow start. I'm honest with it. Working 7:30 am to 6:30 pm is exhausting and it is eating away at my summer. Laurenn has been staying with me now and we're working together as she hangs out here. I'm all burnt from the excessive amount of swimming. So Daniel and Jesse came over and stayed till midnight. It was fun. We all decided they are the male versions of Laurenn and I. I'm fixing to crash. I had a good day. Worked. Walked with the guys. Swam. Ate. Hung out in my room. All in all, a good night. <3
-BJ

Happy Is Possible. :)

Write me a story, tell me your dreams.
Make them impossible, bigger than they seem
Sing me a song, write me a symphony.
Get down on your knees with a ring for me.
Fall in love, smile a little more.
Take me to the beach, force me to the shore.
Lay us down, watch the sun fade away.
Keep me in your arms forever to stay.
Wash out the old, bring in the new.
Take me away, forever with you.
Smile in our pictures year after year.
Live on the edge, on impulse and fear.
Take me away, kiss me good night.
Stay next to me through to morning light.
Fall in love, take my heart, just as happy as can be,
And if it's all just a dream, please don't wake me. 
The sun is brighter the stars shine.
Now and forever I can call you mine.

Sisters over Misters....or not.

So here's the issue: ditching. My best friend in the whole world has a boyfriend who is going off to college soon and of course she'll miss him but does that mean she ditches me in the mean time until he leaves? No? Yes? I'll write myself through it.
Yes, it hurts. It's jealousy at it's best. She was there for me when I had my heart ripped out and I was there for her when "Stab" did it to her. I wanted to kick his ass.
The thing is, does that mean it's okay for her to put me second to Jesse while he is still in Texas?
Yes-ish.
Unfortunately I know she is hurting that he will be leaving. She will eventually make time for me...
In the down time I guess I'll just be supportive.
I think that this happens to everyone at one point. I know I'm right. It's happened to me since 7th grade. It hurts and I think you just have to stay through the rough part. Yes, it sucks but if he's the one then you do want her to be happy.
So some advice, don't talk shit about him, if he is 'the one' then it will be awkward during yalls double dates and when your kids play together.

'If he’s not as wonderful as all that, she will run back to you with red eyes and angry words. This is not the time to be bitter. This is not the time to remind her of all the times she flaked on you when you needed her. This is also not the time to say that you saw it coming, even if you did. This is the time to be understanding and caring. No matter how hard it is not to say he was an ass from the start, you need to keep your mouth shut and be the good friend that she remembers. That’s what you are, after all. You’re her best friend.

In short, life changes. If something is bad, don’t worry, it will pass. If something is good, don’t worry, it will pass. No matter how much we would like it, nothing in this life stays the same. There is no escaping it.' So no. I don't like it but it's life.

First DAY of SUMMER '11

Hello<3 I havent been on here in forever. Finals just passed and shockingly I studied my butt off. Although Im sure I failed the two I took -__- OH WELL.
Anyway Is the start of summer. :)
The start of....
Long Nights. Friends. Work. MONEY. Summer Crushes. Working Out. Tan. Natural hair. NO MAKE UP. Tee SHIRT TIME. Best Friends. Water Melon. Late Night Calls. Clean Room. Sleep Overs. Dads house. Wedding. Flip Flops. Baby Sitting. Selena. Laurenn. Kirby. MY GIRLS<3. Beach. Sleeping in Late.
Bring it on SUMMER '11
<3 BJ

Whores.

He. Is. Mine. Bitch. Back. The. Fuck. Up. Now.
Fuck. You.
-Rebecca.

Fake Friends.

I really hate people.
Good night.
BJ.

The Road

The world hasn't ended yet. What a pleasant thought. :) So I'm at my dads house right now :/ but I have an hour until I have to go get my nails done so here is what I'm thinking of today.
I'm reading The Road my Cormic McCarthy I must say it's a fantastic book, but this line caught me off guard and it really spoke to me. The Man says this about his wife's suicide: "She was gone and the coldness of it was her final gift". Do you think The Woman is being kind or cruel here? Also, consider how much The Man tortures himself with memories of the previous world. What if the world could have disappeared with a similarly clean break? Would that have been easier on The Man? He couldn't leave his son so how could she? Was she being selfish? Did she want the man to hate her go make letting go easier? It's just a great line.
In my opinion she kills herself begging the man will hate her so that he can go on caring for there son, although I think it's selfish to take herself away from her little boy I do believe she does it to protect him. So that if he grew attached to her he wouldn't have to face the pain of losing his mother.
Someone did this to me, he didn't kill himself but he did want me to hate him so that I could move on. I think it just hurts more. D: anyway. I hVe to go. Think about it.
<3,BJ

What Would You Do?

I was discussing what I would do if the world really ended this Saturday today with my friend Daniel. I then came to the conclusion that I had no idea what I would do if it all ended. When he asked I said I'd tell my mom I loved her but the last action I have no idea. I'm sixteen, I haven't done anything to impact the world. Daniel said he'd tell his girlfriend he was in love with her. My mom said she'd act like nothing was different. My step dad said he'd spend it with his kids. My dad said he'd kiss the people he loved. My step dads mom said she'd try to get all her family in one place and spend it with them. My friend said she'd have sex with Brendon Urie. Another said she'd say all the things she never said to the people who mattered. So many friends said sex, marry celebrities, be with someone they loved, kiss the ones they love, do drugs, talk to ex's. Yet I sit here with not a clue. They all answered immediately. What do I want to do? Sure tell the ones I love that I love them, but after all that? Would I cry? Would I just sit wondering until it ended? It's intriguing. There's something to leave you wondering. I'd kiss the guy I am falling for. I'd tell all the people I love that I love them and probably just stay with my mom and sister and brother and try to act like it's not happening. What would you do?
Think about it.
Have a good night,
BJ. <3

It's Just Not My Week

Thus far this week has just not gone my way. Testing all week and I just hate the last few weeks of school. It's like putting water in front of a thirsty person and then snatching it away, so unfair. Today during C lunch the seniors decided to have a food fight resulting in pizza'd faces, mashed potatoe'd clothing and a lot of unhappy underclassmen. Finals are coming up soon. Which means packet after packet of reviews. I just want this year to be over. For real.
I have nothing else to say.
BJ out!

My Brain Can't Just Chill

You know at night when Im trying to sleep, when the world is trying to sleep my brain decides to have an explosion of thoughts and things to ponder. Such thoughts leave me wondering about how life will turn out. Will I die young? Will I save someone? What will become of my family? When will the world end? It's a huge list that goes on and on. But this night in perticular my mind wonders off to someone I wish I wouldn't. Are you sorry? Do you regret leaving? How are you? Do you still care? Or have I been replaced already? Do you sit at night and think of me? Or am I thinking alone? You don't even cross my mind too often but it happens sometimes. I wish I could erase what you did. My mom hates you. So much for trying to impress her. You know I can't erase the time I sat and spoke to you heart to heart in my own room. You hugged me, told me it was okay, life gets better. But look at us now. NOTHING-NESS. Just as always. Happiness comes at a price, and you werent worth what I gave up.
Next thought. Boy oh boy. You know that couple that breaks up and gets back together then breaks up again, will it ever work for them? Or are they fighting to fix something that doesnt want to be put back together. I just wonder because it just is such a rough and unfair road to travel on with someone you 'love'
Speaking of love... I feel that term is thrown around a lot. The meaning kind of lost. You know as a girl we say I love you to best friends but I mean to boys. Can you love a boy in your life ( I.e. Boyfriend) while being so young? My mom knows this couple from the UK that have been together since they were 15 and now are close to 46 how amazing is that? I understand that there's like a 2% chance a high school relationship will stay together forever but I'd like to think it'll last. Yet here I am. Looking at people my age, throwing around words like 'oh I love my boyfriend'. Girl you are 16 you don't even know who you are yet! Let alone who you love! The only boy you should love is your daddy. Oh how my generation is going down the drain. And to think these people I call my peers will be running this country one day, that thought scares me shitless and leaves me unable to sleep at night.
Good night.
BJ

Hot Sundays and State Games

I have a lot of homework to do tonight. Thought I'd update before I go do some. Today was pretty good. I woke up waited in the 8 person line for breakfast, but there was no food when I got up there so I had to wait for Momma Watson (Now Momma DAY) to make some more. I got dressed and ready for the day, although I had nothing to do! I went outside and sprayed Kendra, my little sister, with the hose and watered our dying plants in the front yard. I swear its far too hot in Texas to expect plants to live anyway then I decided to watch the state game from 12/18/10. (Best football game EVER) I guess it was a nice, lazy, chilled Sunday. Time to do a HUGE spanish vocab packet, study for a speaking test and then off to bed. Im tired.
<3
BJ

Rude Siblings, Missing Best Friend and Tobby On The Run

So I told you I'd update. Yeah. Today went as bad as expected. I ended up falling asleep at 11 am and waking up at 4pm. An entire day wasted. I didn't get to hang out with my best friend Selena or even Laurenn. Which disappoints me... Then my siblings (step) come over. Andrew speaks as much as a mute Asian boy -____- and Kendra just learned that our parents are married (they ran off to Vegas) after they have been for almost two months. I laughed. My sister Amy did her usual I'm better than you act and was rude none stop. For anyone that doesn't know. I have a cat named Tobby (pronounced 'Toby'). He is my world. He found me one school morning in late January and since then I can't seem to put him down, although I never used to be a cat person, now I am. My step dads mom moved in with my family recently, which brings the house hold to a grand total of 8 people in a 5 bed room house. Sometimes the house seems smaller then it is. Anyway when moving in she brought her two cocker spaniels. One named Shelby and the other Sheba. Shelby is sweet, Sheba hates me, unless I have food. I used to call them the minions but now I just refer to Sheba as 'the one I don't like that likes to attack me in my own house.' Debbie (step dads mom) let the minions out and let Tobby out at the same time, not knowing or intending on doing it. I didn't realize for about 30 minutes and I went out to talk to my mom and I see Tobby sitting on the pools water fountain scared shitless of the demon dogs and Zeus (family husky) barking at him. I ran over and held him as he shook. Ugh. So now here I am in my room ranting about my lame Saturday night because I'm cool. -___________- I know....
Anyway, I'm going to bed.
Night.
Love, BJ

Forgive

Just like any other normal teenager I have plenty of issues with my parents. I fight with my mom a lot but in the end I realize I'm wrong and I go apologize. My dad on the other hand is an exception. You see my dad left a year ago. I have seen him eight times since then, yes I counted, anyway I still feel like I never got a full explanation as to why or how he could leave, I fought to keep him and he left anyway. Now he is marrying his girlfriend, Stephanie, who I must say I was weary about at first but now have grown quite fond of. My dad asked me to be a brides maid and reluctantly I agreed. I wanted to please him. As I got to thinking I wanted him to meet my step dad, Jeff, and my mom to meet my soon to be step mom, Steph. So I called and explained my idea and without even considering it he said no. He didn't want to 'mix old life with his new life' his words, which he denies now. Anyway, the next part gets complicated. I was upset. I told my mom. She blew up. Screamed at my dad. Jeff called me, I cried on the phone. He blew up. Screamed at my dad. Long story short my dad wants to talk and I have come to realize that I am always the one to fix things. I always apologize first I always go out of my way to make plans and it's me giving everything in the relationship and him taking everything. So here am. He told me to call when I'm ready. But I don't want to call. I wanted him to fight for me! But no. He won't. Anyway. I have a lot to do today and forgiveness is not on the top of that list. I'll update you. :)
Love, BJ

Time For Change

Hello!

So I stole this idea from my best friend Laurenn! I needed a place to write, so here I am wondering aimlessly on the internet talking to myself or strangers. Hey! THAT'S OKAY! At least someones listening. :) This is my first blog ever. So please dont expect much, Im still learning it all. Anyway, my blog is going to be about life over all. From family drama to the daily hell of being in high school. Im a sophomore. -____- Anyway. Expect more updates on my life.

Love, BJ

P.S. So, not to piss off or embarrass people, names will be kept secret. If you figure out who you are or assume who you are then great. Its probably you.